Dear Raymond:
I thought I would give you a nice little surprise by cleaning your bedroom today, what with it being your 36th birthday and all. I figured it would be nice to scrape away the stalactites of dried mucous from the underside of your puzzle desk. It's also getting warmer out, so it's about time to haul down from the attic your wrap-around print wolf tee-shirts and organize them by color and state park. Just a real nice, nice surprise. That's all. Needless to say, Mama was appalled when she found videos of you relieving yourself all over our yard, prized dwarf Hinoki false-cypress, and high-end, custom-aged masonry. And what in god's green earth have you done to my measuring cups?? What am I to do with you? Heavens to Betsy this is surely not how your father and I raised you. Jesus wept. I want you out of my home by Monday morning, Mr. Rainbowman211. By the way, you also have to urinate on this photo of your poor, bloated-with-grief mama.
regretfully,
~Mama
No comments:
Post a Comment