What what? In the Gut.

While I know that this stuff is manufactured by slippery, nubile 7-10 year olds in sexy Chinese factories, that it's available to anyone who wants it (to scare potential boyfriends/landlords/whatever) for around $30 U.S.American dollars, I was led to believe (by various package warnings read in several ill-lit and wax-reeking Spencer's gift shops between 2000-2004) that these products were for novelty purposes only and not actually for insertion. Frankly, I wasn't aware that people's bodies could accommodate intrusion of this horrible dimension. Names for these mammoth colon-mashers range from "Raging Manhandler" to "Veined Double Dong" (sidenote: it's grape scented) to "King Kong" (21in, 10lbs, bigger than a cat, pictured above) and finally to the product possibly featured in this post's illustrative video, which seemingly goes by the disappointingly straightforward title "16 inch cock with balls beige " (although it looks like he's got at least 18in up there...) Even the adoring fans leaving arousing comments after the video put on their best what-the-fuck style faces to ask "So why is it you haven't long ago ruptured your colon or organ shoved around along the way, and died on the spot?" and, remembering their awe, congratulate Messr. Knki200 on his luck to have the apparently desirable "version of the human intestine track where there is a long relatively straight shot up from the anus" a.k.a. equine rectum. Actually, all of the responses are golden, personal favorite being "I love every second of it. I would love to lick the dildo through your stomach. How long can you maintain it?" adding "Because if it's more than 5 minutes I'd like to freebase some Necco conversation hearts with you as well."

Back to horses. The original reason that this caused heavy-blinking and a nose-wrinkled "Huh." from yrs trly was precisely because I was under the impression that this OUGHT to kill the fella, as evidenced by the case of Mr. Hands (warning: bestiality, which is totally legal in Washington state). The fellow getting reamed here, Kenneth Pinyan, died of a perforated colon. Anyway, horse-dicks are super-big, and human large intestines, while ~5 feet long, are fragile and easily punctured and generally not intended for 12+ inches of plastic dong, so as a valediction I quote commenter mikeeel, "Please, stop doing that!"

The Dead Land of Hershey Squirts

This disclaimer was printed at the top of the upcoming video: "** If the video is not playing please click here to install flash if you don't have it, then email me or if you have any questions at emails.2girls1cup@gmail.com **"

The implications of this is that shock porn is no longer a hidden phenomena. More and more people are watching these videos out of their own volition. I would really enjoy meeting the guy who writes this email: "Excuse me, but I am not able to watch this girl drink a lot of piss. Link me to downloadable software so that I can see this ambrosia."

Speaking of excessive coprophilia and urophilia, 1girl1pitcher does a pretty good job of shocking those already desensitized by 2girls1cup. Not only is this woman willingly downing batches of her own brand, she's accepting hand-outs from nearby breweries. Note your reaction when you see that the guy spills her urine all over her chest.

In a divine moment where the transparency of viral porn becomes evident once again, someone shits into her mouth. All of these videos look like half-assed corollaries to the ever famous, ever disgusting holy grail of vomitpoopsex. With this in mind, however, I have to admit there is one scene that gets incredibly hilarious. First, the woman is covered in shit. Then, as the camera pans out a bit, we see she has nipple clamps on. As it pans further, her red latex-like boots come into view. The 4th grade innocence we attach to the phrase "Hershey Squirts" is gone, replaced with an image of a plumber staring into a clogged toilet, yanking his dog like he just don't care.

They Call'em Fingers But I've Never Seen'em Fing

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Any Way You Want It, That's The Way You Need It

From the slightly offsetting tone of this woman's skin and the heavily upsetting tone of her "bronzer," we're able to discern one thing from the start of this video:

Things ain't gettin' much prettier from here on.

There is already a meat cigar worthy of Groucho in the arena, and I think the question in everybody's mind is: "What's going to happen with that?" Has shock porn achieved enough popularity to be able to make comfortable allusions to such phenomena as Cupchicks (2 Girls 1 Cup) or Goatse.cx? The answer, quite simply, is yes. This video, however, is a false example. Why, you ask?

Because this girl vaginally ingests the poo, and then PCs it right onto her own happy trail.

This legendary move (packing your bean curd into a disreputable woman's sniz), often referred to as "the muffin loaf" or "space docking," has not been well documented on video, probably due to a common lack of sexual interest. This move places coprophilia to another level, as it begs the question: "Can we raise the bar and place this stinky, concentrated evil into your cooch, risking various diseases and lowering the world's cumulative integrity?"

How do you top the turdtwat? And more importantly, how does the porno continue after the cannon has been fired? If someone can find a decent corollary to this video, post post post. The Muffin Loaf Clientele are waiting.

Bananas Gallo

Charaters: M - Maya, owner of "Maya's Butthole" T- Irma "The Lisping Tiger" Rabinowitz C - Vincent Gallo's Canadian Doppleganger
M: Okay, one... two... three...
[pop] [backmask]

T: Oh, dude!
C: Oh fuck, you missed.
T: It hit my mouth, I just couldn't catch it...
C: Okay, well we want to have this in there for fucking the slow motion replay, okay, you gotta catch it, alright? Don't miss it. Catch it. I want you to bite it, okay?
T: I'd better fucking catch it, Maya.
M: K, You ready?
C: Ready.
[pop]

T: Fuck!
C: Alright, this... look, you gotta get it in there, okay? Are you ready?
T: One...
[pop]

T: Fuck, dude, it just doesn't fucking like kinda stay in my mouth, it just like, kinda hits it...
M: Just stick it in there...
C: When you catch it you're actually supposed to open your mouth wide and catch it mid-air, like a dog, you know?
[pop]

M: Oops, sorry, that was my fault...
T: Okay.
M: Push it in there deep, okay? There, you ready?
T: Okay.
M: One, two, three-
[pop]

C and M together: Hahahaha.
T: I think-
C: Okay, let's skip the banana - we have more things we can fucking play with, okay? We got the corn over here that we haven't even touched. Okay, here's some corn-
T: I think there's still a strawberry up there-
C: We don't care about the strawberry, put that corn on the cob up her butt.
T: Woot!
C: What just came out, a grape? Hahahaha.
[end]

So Sayeth Fox News

Addendum to posts by Ko Ko and Night of the Living: Cutting it off is illegal, even if you do it voluntarily, I guess.

Chicken: The Third Most Fuckable Meat

Unfortunately, the remainder of the birdthigh will inevitably be diddled off into her baby canal until it eventually rots and gently gristles out ("gristle" being here used as not only a verb but an onomatopoeia) in a thick, grey gravy sludge.

I was really hoping that her vagina would take a dainty bite out of it - that the meat would be masticated in her nether-maw and digested in reverse order. KFC penetration shouldn't be this wasteful, right? That's some first class edible enjoyment, right there. Thank VeganChrist that her boyfriend manages to regurgitate a few greasy meat shards into her mouth like some sweaty maternal manbird, ensuring that it wasn't entirely wasted...