Pain Is The Cleanser

[note: please watch this video on mute, as otherwise Bush totally ruins my argument.]

Essentially, this is how Lemmy would masturbate if Lemmy ever masturbated, which he does not, because he can't keep the gash off of his steel-like manhood long enough to wrap his powerful fist around it. Rather than the inverted schadenfreude of typical S&M, this is just METAL. Like, say, eating lightbulbs and listening to Judas Priest/Gorgoroth/Dethklok/Mayhem/Napalm Death, putting umlauts over every letter in your name, growing your hair as thin, greasy, and damaged as possible, getting a tattoo of a viking ship made of skulls, or just being Andrew W.K. - this is probably just the most METAL way to masturbate (unless you're jerkin' it in the pit, punching guys all the while and like, rubbing their blood and teeth into it or something). The scrotal garrote proves that you are a man, and you rock deadly hard, so hard that your balls just turn black from the force of your spermatozoal might (and also from that rubber band you're strangling them with).